just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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