Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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