RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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