Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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