just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
