So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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