Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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