Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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