I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
