Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
