Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
