Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.