Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Banned from zoo.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional