I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie