porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.