I need to stop coming to work sober
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good thing I've started drinking again
We are all done wearing pants today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.