im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?