The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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