Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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