I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
