I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
