I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
