And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
