is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
