well I can't set my house on fire every night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
