I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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