I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
