you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
