hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
