ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
