How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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