sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Jerry, you need to find god
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
