We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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