I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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