The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
