In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
