best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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