Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
