pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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