at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
