Say something about gay babies.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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