i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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