I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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