if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My dick has a subreddit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
