you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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