He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
