You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
