Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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