Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
