Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
