I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
