I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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