i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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