I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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