i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
