Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
bring money and cleavage
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
