Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
