she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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