So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can text with my tongue
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
