thus making me awesome and them whores
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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