I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
