mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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