i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
