I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
