Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Where is the hickey?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
