and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
