Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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