Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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