I'm really into asian looking animals
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
