He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
