And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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