Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
