when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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