OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
