I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
