Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
