how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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