She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
